I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
