Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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