"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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