my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
