Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
