OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
