i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
