party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
