dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize