I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
