Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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