also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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