I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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