why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You may now shotgun with the bride
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
