Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
