in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
