i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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