You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You are a genius and a whore.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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