3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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