'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
