So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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