My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
This is my life. Enjoy the view
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
