Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
