Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize