Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
