I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
