I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
