Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
farters have to be the big spoon...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
