I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
