was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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