I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
