she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
