I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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