I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
