I'm eating all of the evidence.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
