i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
