For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
