epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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