Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
