I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
