I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
