the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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