Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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