I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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