Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize