oh god the rape fog is back!
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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