I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
