Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
