your room smells of hookers.
And success
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
