Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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