I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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