So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize