Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
