my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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