I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
