We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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