Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
