apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
