In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Who died my cat blue again?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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