i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
