8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She needs sedatives and a leash
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
