): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
