i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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