after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
How does one acquire holy water?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
